...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
