omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
