i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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