is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I touched a dick in church today
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
