But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
