In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
