so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I FOUND THE LEGS
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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