Pregnant stripper...not hot.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
