I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
