this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
