ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
