so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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