watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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