The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
