I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
