I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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