i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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