i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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