I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
