why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize