Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
