True but thats because hes a fetus.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
