If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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