How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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