You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
