Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
