I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
