Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
