You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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