i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize