Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
