so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
