How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize