all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
