I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
