i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
