using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
