U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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