Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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