I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
