they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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