Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
