adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
