If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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