he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
