when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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