I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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