We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
