If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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