My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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