I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
