He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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