I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
