I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
