I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
