just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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