I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
how does that bad decision feel?
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