So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize