no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
