well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
