haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
