what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
