He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
