she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
