think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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