The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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