You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize