Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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