Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you will always have a special place in my vag
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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