you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
