6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just high enough for therapy.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
