Pants 0. Shit 1.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
