After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
