I have demons in me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
