I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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