i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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