I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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