You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
