i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize