two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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