You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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