you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
