My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
we're making bets on your personal life
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize