I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
