Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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