It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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