Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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