Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
