He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
