you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
