I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
