At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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