So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
there is glitter all over my balls
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
