perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
