HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
