ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize