i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
