How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
