Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
