Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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