How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize