so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
