shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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