we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Everything about him screamed your future.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
