Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Well I just put wine in my tea
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
