So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
