so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
