I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
