it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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