the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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