All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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