just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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