i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
