Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
