She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
